I remember a few years after Columbine watching a clip of a documentary called Bowling for Columbine that featured Marilyn Manson. We all know where Mr. Manson stands concerning the Bible and morals, but when interviewed he was asked if the killers of Columbine were alive what would he say to them. It caught my attention and I perked up to see what he would say, and to my surprise he said something that totally floored me. He said "I wouldn't say anything to them, I would listen to them." Wow! Then I thought of the day the Columbine shootings happened, how the two killers spoke out pretty loudly by their actions, which really grieved me. It grieved me to the point that I made a vow to God that I was going to value what a teenager had to say and wasn't going to minimize their opinion. We, as adults, need to listen to teens. However, this does not give teens a license to be disrespectful and rebellious. The truth is adults frequently ignore
teenagers. They are often labeled as arrogant, ignorant and that teens are to
be seen and not heard. Also, that they are more of the problem than the solution,
because they break things that they can't fix or change. We as adults expect
teens to care and do what we say. So, shouldn't we reciprocate and listen to
what they have to say? Teens are not worthless, oblivious, and their
opinions really do matter!
Teens are looking for validation. Do you remember the day an adult valued and validated what you had to say as important? I do. It was a great day and it gave me a lot of confidence that what I had to say really mattered. I believe teens are frustrated
because they have a voice and aren't allowed to use that voice. Doing this
has caused us as adults to miss out on the some of the most important voices of
today and the future… A major stereotype is that teens don't care which
is a lie. I recently read a statistic in the Huffington Post that 93% of
young people want to volunteer but the adults are the ones that are not giving
them the opportunity. They are not shown or taught how they can start making a
difference. In fact, they are usually told they can't. So, how do we expect
teens to be our future leaders when we as parents, educators, pastors,
employers, and adults never listen or take teens seriously? Teens are as much
of a part of our society as adults. When we forget about the future generation
by not listening to them we forfeit possible solutions and opportunities to
influence the future for the better!
Abraham Lincoln said: "Our children are going to run our cities, states, government, churches, schools, and businesses. The fate of humanity is in their hands." They are the faces of the future, but they have a voice now! So lets do our best as adults to value and validate a teenager's voice.
•
Responsibility:
Give us a chance to prove to you that we can be responsible.
•
Respect:
Treat us like you’d like to be treated.
•
Trust:
Don’t judge us just because we are teenagers . . . Not all of us are bad.
•
Give Us a Chance:
To make mistakes, learn from experience, and to explain our opinion or our side
of the story.
•
Care:
Let us know you care.
•
Support:
We need support; we need to be reassured we are doing the right thing.
•
Understanding:
Listen to what we have to say and understand that we have stresses and problems
too. Although they may seem insignificant to you, they are big to us. Being a
teenager is not easy: understand this.
•
Balance:
Don’t leave us totally alone. We need you to catch us if we fall.
•
Give us praise:
When we are doing things that are good or make right decisions.
•
Freedom:
It may be hard, but let us go. We have to leave our footprints and make our own
decisions and mistakes. Part of growing up is find out who we are, what we
value and what we need as a person. Only we alone can make that journey.
The adults youth
trust and respect most do the following:
•
Make is clear that they see potential
rather than problems in the young people they encounter.
•
View the young person, not the
“activities” they do with the young person, as the priority.
•
Convey a sense of power and purpose for
themselves and for the young people around them.
•
Are authentic–real, not phony–with the
a genuine interest in and concern for young people.
•
Are motivated to give back to their
communities, neighborhoods, families, and organizations in return for the good
things they received from caring adults when they were young.
An anonymous youth
who wrote:
When I ask you to
listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked of
you.
When I ask you to
listen to me and you begin to tell me why I should not feel the way I do, you
have trapped my feelings.
When I ask you to
listen to me and you feel you need to do something to solve my problem, you
have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I ask is
that you listen, not talk or do–just listen and hear me.
Often we ignore the
power of listening. It has been suggested that 90 percent of behavioral
“problems” originate in young people because adults won’t listen to them.
A study reported that the number one request from suicidal teenagers was for
adults to listen to them. The medical power of listening has also been proven
by various studies. We all feel better when we feel heard. On the other
hand, feeling ignored and misunderstood is literally painful whether we are six
or sixty.
Mistakes adults make communicating with
teenagers
Talking more than listening. There is an old saying that we are all given
two ears and one mouth, to remind us that we should spend twice as much time
listening as talking. This is especially important when communicating with
teenagers.
There is a lot to be said for the notion of
self-fulfilling prophecies. The way we speak can often result in the outcomes
we are trying to avoid.
Minimizing the problem
Perspective makes a big difference. The
way an adult perceives a problem is often very different to the way a teen
perceives the same problem.
Not adjusting expectations
The challenge of negotiating the path to
adulthood is challenging enough for teens without having adults who refuse to acknowledge
that they are growing up making it harder.
Fighting Battles that don't need
fighting
Adolescence is a time in life that can
generate increased conflict levels. Adults do themselves no favours by
escalating tensions over issues that in the scheme of things may not be worth
it.
By listening to the teens, you are listening to the future!
Listen to our radio show on this subject. You can listen to the Teens of America Radio Network every Monday for 7-9pm by going to www.teensofamerica.net and click listen live.
Thanks for writing such an honest article!
ReplyDeleteThat's so great to read a post on this topic written by a teenager! Your words are so true! Probable all children want recognition for good qualities and achievements in the same way adults want to be recognized for the skills we bring to our job or our friends. Agatha Singer has got a very useful article about dealing with teenagers, you may click here to find it. What do you think about her advice? Maybe, you'd like to add some important tips?
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