Look Into My Eyes

"Mom, Daddy touched me. . ."

These were the words that chilled my mom to the bone as I sat in the bath tub the night that I told her what my dad had been doing to me on our weekend visits.  They were the words that put the heinous acts that had been done to me in a simple, yet heart-wrenching statement.  I sometimes wish that I could go back to being 4.  Go back to when I was young and innocent, and I didn't realize what had been done to me. . . back to when it didn't haunt me.

Unfortunately, that isn't possible, no matter how much I may want it to be.

My name is Brianna, and this is my story.

My parents had filed for divorce when I was 1 year old, and the divorce was finalized when I was 4.  My dad had been granted partial custody that allowed my brother and I to have weekend visits with my dad at his house, and one weekend during our visit, my dad did the unthinkable. . . He raped me... He raped his four year old daughter, and I have lived with the consequences of his actions ever since.

I won't go into detail of what he did, but I will tell you that I can still feel exactly what happened to me.  I still think about it.

When I was younger, I couldn't fully grasp what had been done to me or what had been taken from me.  It was when I got older that I understood, and that is when it started to effect me.  I began to have a cognitive wariness - a fear almost - of any man that wasn't family.  It was hard to walk down the high school hallway. . . It was hard to stand close to guys in the lunch line. . .  I was always hyper aware if a guy was in a room with me, and on top of these difficulties, the worst thing was trying to overcome the shame I felt.

I felt used. . . dirty.  I felt like nothing could ever make me clean again, even though family and camp counselors told me otherwise, I still believed that I was un-redeemable.  I, quite understandable, never wanted to talk about it, and I certainly never wanted to tell anybody about what had happened, afraid that they would see me the same way I saw myself.  I so wanted to be normal.  I wanted to be able to tell somebody without seeing the pity or possible disgust that I looked at myself with in their eyes.  For years, I told myself that if I told somebody, that they would look at me differently... That they wouldn't want to have anything to do with me after I told them.  I also told myself that maybe I would get better with time.  That the memories would fade and I wouldn't have to look at myself the same way anymore.  I wish it was that easy to get rid of memories.

When I got into junior high and high school, I didn't really think about what had happened a whole lot; it just made me sad and angry, so I chose not to think about it.  There was just one problem. . .  I really wanted to have a guy like me.  I wanted to be loved by somebody, and have somebody find something about me that they loved that I couldn't see in myself; but I believed that I was flawed and that it was impossible for anybody to be able to love me or see something redeemable about me.

In tenth grade, I met this guy, and I really liked him.  I was basically one of the love-struck school girls that my friends and I liked to make fun of, and the odd thing was that I didn't care.  I wanted him to like me the way I liked him.  We started talking to each other, and pretty soon, we were BEST friends.  We could tell each other anything and not feel awkward or ashamed, and we never had petty fights or drama about pointless things.  The only thing I was holding back, was what had happened to me when I was four. . .  It was the one thing I just couldn't bring myself to share with him.

One day he made a comment about somebody that he knew who was a dead-beat, bad father that didn't care about his children.  By this point in my life, I was pretty angry and bitter against my dad for what he had done, and I had stopped believing that it was something about me that was flawed.  I had finally placed the blame in its rightful place, but I still felt dirty and unlovable, and that had made me bitter, which I would have denied if you asked me about it, but now I can see how the anger was blinding me.  When he made the comment about this person that he knew, I made a statement that was true, but said with a malice that scared me.  I said, "He might have fathered a child, but he will NEVER be a daddy."  The rest of the ride home, I was silent.  I couldn't bear to have him ask me a question about why I was so shaken by his comment and then my response.

After I got home, I realized that my silence had probably been really confusing to him, so I texted him and said that I was sorry for being so quiet and that I had just been lost in thought.  He responded that I was fine, and he then asked if he had said anything to make me upset.  I felt something come very near to breaking inside me, and I just told him that I had started thinking about my dad, and how he seemed to not even care about my brother and I, and that my dad had done some things in the past that were very hard to get over.  He didn't ask me what had happened, but I was just so tired of hiding at that point that I gave up, and I told him what had happened to me, and begged him to not look at me differently.

"Brianna," he told me "I don't see you any differently than I did before.  In fact, I see you as being even stronger now than I did before."

When I read those words on the screen of my phone, the thing inside me that had almost broke before, now shattered and left me shaking and crying in my bathroom.  I realized that the wall I had built up around my heart had finally broken, and that I was finally starting to heal.

About a year after that happened, my best friend became my boyfriend (and he still is my boyfriend).  Things were going great, until one day, I was having a rough day, and I vented my frustration about my dad on him while we were talking on the phone.  He listened to me and heard my whole rant patiently, and then stopped me in my tracks by telling me that he could see a bitterness and anger in me that would eventually destroy me, and he begged me to take a good deep look at myself, and forgive my dad.

I wasn't angry with him, but I was shocked.  He told me that he had to do the same thing with his family, and that while it hadn't been easy, he was so much better off for doing it.

It took exactly 10 seconds for me to see that he was correct about my anger, and I was ashamed that I had let myself get to that point.  I am a Christian, which means that I believe that there is One God in heaven, and that He sent His only Son to earth to die for my sins.  I believe that Christ paid the penalty for my sin by dying on the cross, and then rising again on the third day and defeating death.  And I believe that when I repented of my sins and begged him to save me, that He heard me and, by His grace, saved me and washed me clean of my sins for eternity, and that I will now spend eternity with Him.  I know that it is nothing I did that saved me.  It was God's love and grace that saved me.  

There is a command in scripture (the Bible) to forgive our enemies trespasses against us like Christ forgave us when He died for us, and when my loving boyfriend pointed out that I had grown bitter, my spirit broke with the knowledge that I had willingly let myself get this way.

I wasn't able to forgive overnight.  In fact, it took right up until a couple weeks ago for me to finally let go of my anger and bitterness.  But when I let go, I felt such a freedom and lightness in my spirit.  I hadn't realized how heavy of a burden I had been carrying on my shoulders.

I decided that I wanted to reach out to my father and try to tell him about how I had been feeling for years, and then tell him that I forgave him for what he had done to me.  I knew that in the past, he had denied ever touching me, and that the courts had not punished him for what he had done.  But I thought that maybe, if I confronted him about it that he would finally admit to me what he had done. . . I didn't want to take him to court, I just wanted to tell him that I forgave him.

His response to the text I sent him sent me into a world of spinning hurt when he told me that I had been lied to all my life, and that he was not guilty of what I had just "accused" him of doing.  He also told me that before I make an accusation that I should check all of my facts. 

Needless to say, I couldn't - and haven't yet - responded to that text.  His denial shook me so hard that I grew angry again, but I knew that I had forgiven him.  It took a couple nights of talking to God, my roommates, and my boyfriend, but I still forgive him.  Even though he is determined to deny what he did.  Some days are harder than others to not grow angry with him, but every day is a process of forgiving and healing and growing so I can help others.

If you are reading this, and you feel lost and worthless because somebody broke in and stole what they stole from me from you as well, I am here to tell you that you are a jewel beyond compare.  You are not dirty and un-redeemable, you are precious and strong.  It was not anything you did that caused this heinous thing to happen to you, and I promise you that you are not disgusting in my eyes or your loved ones eyes.  Let us help you heal.  Better yet, let God help you heal.  You might not believe that a loving God could have let this happen to you, and I don't have all the answers, but the circumstance that He led me through has given me the opportunity to help people that I would have never been able to reach before.  God is waiting to give you His mercy and grace, you just have to reach out and take His gift, and watch Him work in ways that will astound you.

Look into my eyes, and you won't see the confused little girl that couldn't understand why her dad would steal her innocence from her.  Look into my eyes, and you won't see the scared teen that was terrified to tell anybody what had happened to her.  Look into my eyes, and you won't see the girl who cried herself to sleep when she could feel what had happened all over again.  Look into my eyes, and you won't see the girl that looked at herself in the mirror and felt dirty and un-redeemable.  Look into my eyes, and you won't see the girl who thought nobody could love her because she had been used.  Look into my eyes, and you won't see anger or bitterness.  Look into my eyes.  You'll see a strong young woman who knows it wasn't her fault.  You'll see a young woman who knows that she can tell people what happened, and not be ashamed of it anymore.  You'll see a girl who falls asleep in peace, even though she can still feel what happened sometimes.  You'll see a girl who looks at herself from God's standpoint, and sees herself as a redeemed child of God that is more precious that diamonds or rubies to Him.  You'll see a girl that is loved by her family, friends, and boyfriend, and she knows she is loved.  

Look into my eyes, and you'll see peace.

WANTED: Teen Leaders

Dave Ramsey FB post*

            Have you ever looked up to someone, only to be let down? Have you ever felt absolutely horrible knowing that someone looked up to you, but then you let them down? I’m sure you’ve felt one, if not both, of these feelings. We all make mistakes, and all of us are let down and will be let down by someone else, this is just life. Doesn’t it seem like good leadership is just hard to find anymore? Well, I want to say that it doesn’t have to be. We can be the leaders that our generation needs! But what is good leadership, and how do you find it? Many times as teens, we are taken in by the “cool kids.” The people who seem to have all the friends, or all the fame, or all the fortune, or all the looks, or all the muscles, but these people are not always the best leaders. How can you tell? True leaders lead by example. These kind of people inspire their followers. They live the kind of life and have an attitude that makes others say “that’s the kind of person I want to be…the kind of person I should be.” Leading by example means that you are not intimidating others into doing what you want. It means that you aren’t manipulative in your goals and actions towards others

A good leader leads with humility and involvement. They don’t order their followers around like slaves, and they don’t lord over them as if they were some higher power to be reckoned with. They “get down” if you will, and perform the tasks with those that are following, showing them that “Hey, I’m not above you, we are in this together.”

Good leaders exhibit integrity. They are willing to take a loss rather than compromise their honesty, values, and the principles they stand for. This type of leader will admit if they are wrong. If someone brings something to their attention, saying that leader made an error or had faulty information, they don’t pounce on them. “How dare you even SUGGEST that I could even POSSIBLY be wrong about anything!” Yeah, I know, we’ve all been there. We all remember that person that grinds us down to nothing because we made an observation, and simply wanted to warn them. We wanted to say, “Hey, look out!” Not because we wanted to be right, or better than someone else, but because we cared. So remember that feeling, and try to spare others from having to go through that. Don’t be that kind of leader…that kind of person. Don’t be the “leaders” that step on others to lift themselves up…don’t be the “leaders” that guilt trip people into doing what they want… “leaders” that divide and conquer groups of friends that might somehow threaten their power hold over their peer group… “leaders” that spread rumors and put other’s at odds just for the fun of it…for a show… “leaders” that when they fail, it suddenly becomes “your idea” and “all your fault”… “leaders” that are simply abusive because they can be. I know you know what I’m talking about it, and it’s OK, at some point or another, we’ve been there, it’s what you do when you get there that makes the difference.

You might ask, “how do these people even become leaders?”  Well in total honesty, we can be tricked as followers. Being a leader is only half the picture. We have to learn to be good followers. By that I mean, we’ve got to learn to spot “the good ones.” A lot of the time we like to blame others, but guys, we make our own choices. We choose our friends, our influences, and our leaders. You might be thinking, “Well, that’s the problem, I don’t see any good leaders around me! What am I supposed to do?” You might not like my answer, but that’s when we need to stand up and be a leader. Be a leader in the face of adversity. Lead in the right direction, away from the negative influences. Those “cool people” are not the only people in the world. I promise! There are others, who might not have the courage to stand up first, but they’ll be right behind you! I’ll give you an example. Back in the 1900’s you had this guy named Lenin…yeah, murderer communist dude….Nice guy…he started down the road he chose when he was a teen. He rebelled against his parents (no this isn’t a rant against being rebellious. I promise. J) and decided that he was going to do his thing, and lead in the direction he wanted to go. We see now the results of that. We see who he was able to get to follow him. We also know about the suffering and horrible atrocities committed. I know, I know…get to the point Seth. OK, my point is, Look at what Lenin did, what one “bad” person did. Now, think about what one good person could do, one good person, leading in the right direction, and inspiring people to take the right paths. I mean, that’s an amazing thought! Look guys, I think we can all admit there’s a problem, but nobody really wants to admit what the cause(s) of the problem is! If we could get some great leaders for our generation, Some teens who were willing to say, “Hey! I’ll be a beacon! I’ll stand up! I’ll lead,” just think about the possibilities! Your entire world could change! I want leave you with this thought. Not because it’ll make you feel good, or because it’s mushy, or because it’s what you’re supposed to say, but because it’s true.

YOU can make a difference and YOU are important, 

Don’t forget it!

That's all for now. Thanks for reading! :)

Peer Pressure

  Hello, my dear friends! I'm going to cut straight to the chase here.

  As I'm sure you realize, many things have an influence on what makes an individual who they are. A vast majority of them are listed above. I'd like for you to take notice that the biggest words in that picture are the words "peer pressure".

  I don't know who it was that came up with this photo, nor what was their thinking while they pieced it together, but, coincidence or not, this is symbolic.

  I am all about symbolism. I love certain thoughts and ideals that are carried by some symbols. Here the symbol is one I am not fond of. This shows that peer pressure is one of the most dominant figures of what makes people decide who they will be.

  Now, as I say, every story is always different, even so, this is a huge issue.

1. Who does this affect?
  Actually, everyone. This is not just exclusively the issue of teens and preteens. I have both seen and heard of peer pressure involving people well into their adult years. Clearly, this also means that not only are teens pressuring other teens to do wrong, but adults are doing this as well. Even children can participate in peer pressure.

2. What is peer pressure?
  Peer pressure is the age old story of people trying to get other people to be what they want them to be. This is common among "friends". I put friends in quotes because, frankly, if someone is resistant to the way you are and makes it a goal to negatively influence you for their own personal reason, they are not a friend. Friendship is choosing to stand by someone, even if you don't stand behind what they do. You don't have to agree with every friend of yours on every subject, but you aren't going to scorn them mercilessly if they don't bend to your views. Peer pressure isn't limited to those who are your friends. It can happen with anyone. Coworkers can pressure other coworkers into misconduct at work or even something in their personal life. Peer pressure is not an encouraging thing, even if it is made to sound like it. There is a huge difference between a friend trying to get you to make a good choice that they believe will benefit you (for example's sake: going to the gym and working out), and a "friend" trying to get you to do something harmful to you and/or others (such as drugs, drinking, stealing, etc.).

3. Where does this occur?
  Goodness gracious, this can be found nearly everywhere. Prominent in schools, but later on in life, you don't necessarily escape that in your workplace, because sometimes, as I said, it's there too. Anytime you're with a group of people (especially around your age) there is chance for peer pressure. There's even chance for peer pressure when you're alone on your couch. How so? Think about the screen you're looking at right now. Peer pressure can also be on the internet, or through texting. Where there are people, pressure can lie in wait.

4. When does peer pressure take place?
  Most often, when someone stands out in one way or another. They might say no to smoking when offered, or no to bullying someone, or they may dress differently, or may not go out partying, or maybe they don't want to get drunk. I could go on. People will always try to get you to do what they want when your best interests are not at heart for them. Society tries to mold us. Sales marketing even uses techniques similar to peer pressure. Society tells us to fit in by using these phrases, or wearing these clothes, or watch this show, or read this book. And then, for marketing, take commercials. Believe it or not, they pull the whole "everyone else is doing it" card, too. Look for it! You'll see it. But it will probably sound something like "buy this because these people did".

5. Why do people give in?
  We live in a day and age where individuals care far more about what others think about them (and more often, people who shouldn't matter to us), than what they think about themselves. We need to realize that caving in to negative peer pressure does not better anyone. It encourages the ones who pressure others to keep doing it, and pushes the individual who caved further and further away from having a hold on a mind of their own. Every time you say "yes", it will get increasingly harder to say "no". If you spend your time making yourself into someone you're not just to fit in, you lose sight of who you are. I know because I have done it before. It got to the point where I didn't even know what I liked anymore! It took me a long time to break the mold I let others form for me. I was blessed to open back up to learn more about what being an individual truly means.

  If we were meant to be all like each other, making all the same choices, doing what everyone else is doing, we wouldn't all have different stories. Since we are blessed to be different, why do we try so hard not to be?

  I remind you, real friends, those who truly care about you and respect you as a person, will understand if you say "no" to things. Understanding why and being understanding are two separate matters. We may not always understand why people do what they do, but we can still be understanding.

  Also, watch yourself. Make sure you're not pressuring anyone else negatively. Practice being understanding, even in the little things. If your friend really doesn't want to go see that movie, don't make them go see the movie. C'mon. It's that simple.

  Peer pressure may not seem like a big deal to you, but it can start with something like that movie, and end with something detrimental like getting in the car with a drunk driver and dying a horrific death. An extreme example? Yes. But these things happen.

  Be careful about who influences you and how they do this, and thoughtful about who and how you influence.

  Thank you so much for joining me again, and I hope you have a wonderful day, wherever you are! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe!!!

  "Talk" soon :)

Relationships

  Alright, ladies. It is time to discuss our most favorite subject ... No, not shoes!! Today's post is all about relationships.

  (Also, quick side note: this isn't solely for girl readers. If it tends to lean that way, it's probably because I, the writer, am female. Sorry, fellas. I'll do my best.)

  1. Who does this blog apply to?

  When you are single, it can sometimes feel like everyone but you is in on the whole dating thing, right? ... Don't lie to me. It happens to the best of us!

  Well, I have good news, single pringles, this post is for E'ERYONE- those who have loved, are loving, will love, and I'd say that covers everybody! I believe it is important that everybody realizes a few key things about relationships, and I hope I can properly address some of these. So, whether you're madly in love or swearing off of guys/girls, I wanna "talk" to you.

  2. "What be these key things thou speakest of, O Blogger who Ranteth?"

  Dating has been and probably always will be a topic with a high buzz of interest following it. Girls love to gossip about it, guys love to brag about it, older people love to reminisce over it, etc.

  The dating world of today really shocks me in some ways.

  You know, for a society that is centered around "being yourself", it tries really hard into making us what it wants us to be, not always what we want to be.

  A vast majority of relationships mimic this pattern.

  You meet someone. You develop crush on said someone. You ponder catching that someone's romantic attention. Everyone, including yourself, gives you the advice to "be yourself." Say you are asked out/ask out this someone, or even if you're not, you are trying to impress this person- sometimes desperately. (For the record, this means me just as much as anyone else. I am guilty.)

  It's not wrong to want to be better for someone else, but a lot of the time this straining process of putting something out there that is something other than who you are doesn't better us. You as you normally are ought to be enough to catch the attention of someone who will really and truly love you. If someone isn't paying you any attention, and I know this is a very hard pill to swallow, but they are the ones missing out. They are not worth your time and effort. Those who matter will notice you because you are wonderfully you. It shouldn't be just because you can do three back handsprings in a row. And someone should never want to change you to fit their ideals. They should love you because of who you are, not in spite of who you are. This "I love you anyway" mentality, should not be.

  3. Where is love? (MUSICAL THEATRE REFERENCE. And ... Sticking with the key things on this question.)

  There are instances where we are looking for love. I get it. I really do, but this is a very fragile state to be in. When we don't find what we're looking for, this is very discouraging. Usually, this begins a depressing spiral of thoughts that we are not good enough, or good looking enough, or special enough to catch the eye of the opposite sex.

  This mindset can lead to settling for anyone who gives you the time of day, which also isn't right.

  I am all for keeping an open mind, mind you. But to me, flings are pointless. Dating is getting to know someone that you just might want to spend the rest of your life with. It's not an excuse to hook up. Sorry, not sorry.

  At the state in which we are searching for a relationship, sometimes we jump too far into something with the first person who shows us interest. This can lead to settling, and settling for things you don't actually want can lead to extreme unhappiness. It is imperative to know what you want in a spouse, and a great amount of these ideals, you shouldn't bend on. The ones that ought to be "immovable" so to speak, should be obvious. I do not mean that if you mentally noted "must have green eyes", and the person you're seeing has blue eyes, to chuck them out. That would be superficial and, for lack of a better term, silly.

  We should check ourselves when we set our standards around the physical appearance of another. *** Physical attraction is extremely important in a relationship. I am not claiming otherwise. *** But, for instance, if a girl is snubbing a guy who is everything she wants in a personality because he doesn't have the muscle definition she likes ... Goodness gracious. Lord, help that child.

  I'd like to say that I hope that doesn't happen often. All I want to point out is that the physical appearance of another should not be our priority.

  Along the lines of physical attraction, I want to make this point very, very clear:

  You cannot love someone at first sight. You can love their looks, and be insanely attracted to them at first sight, and that means that excited, squirmy feelings you get, but you cannot fall in love with THEM.

  Our bodies are only our shells- what we are. Our souls are our essence- who we are.

  It takes time and effort to get to know someone, and falling in love is a constant process that doesn't ever really end. It only perpetuates. Ask someone who has been in love with the same person for a lengthy period of time. Real love grows, it doesn't just peak.

  4. When is it real love?

  Branching from the above paragraph, here's something you should know. This may sting a little for some ...

  Love is not that fuzzy warm feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. Sorry to burst any heart bubbles floating around your head, but it isn't.

  Love is a choice.

  There are going to be many, many times when you do not feel like loving your significant other. You might even dislike them at the moment. Maybe he stained your couch! Maybe she threw away your lucky socks! Whatever the case, there are going to be times when you are upset with your girlfriend/boyfriend/fiancee/spouse. But when you really love someone, you are constantly choosing to love them even when you don't feel like loving them. Loving someone when you feel like it is easy and convenient. When you're angry or grumpy or pouty, it's no longer easy, but it is necessary. That is how you build a proper foundation for a lifetime.

  I also don't believe that you have only one soulmate out there, and if you miss him/her, oh well. You're done! ... No. You could live a perfectly happy life with more than one person. Love is a choice! So choose wisely.

  5. Why is all of this so important?

  I'll tell you. Too often you find people in unhappy relationships because it's not what they thought it would be. They didn't start off as friends. There were fronts they didn't know existed. When they got married, the walls came tumbling down, and their spouse treats them differently, and even, badly.

  Why does THAT happen?

  People aren't taking enough care in building the proper foundation from the start.

  I understand the inclination to date that cutie and marry them within the week, but that's just not realistic.

  Really, you ought to be friends with them first.

  "Oh no! The friendzone!!!" ... Knock it off.

  The friendzone only exists because we feel the need to label everything. Yes, I know the actual definition of friendzone, and it's a real situation, and it sucks majorly.

  Even so, I say, you should know someone as they normally are before dating them.

  You should know what they're like when they're livid just as much as when they're happy.

  Again, why?

  People are on their best behavior when they are dating.

  No, girls. The jerky guy will not be changed by you once you're married. If he's a jerk now, he will probably be a jerk then, and maybe, an even bigger one.

  If their best behavior is treating you like dirt from the get-go, you have a problem that should not exist in a healthy relationship. I don't recommend that you condone that.

  You are not to be looking for a perfect person, because they don't exist. You are going to find every person has their flaws, but you will love those just the same because it makes someone who they are. That's a beautiful thing.

  Dating is about finding what you want in a spouse in someone else. But again, if you are finding their treatment of you less than satisfactory, it won't improve once you sign up for that for the rest of your life. No, they won't always be so amazing, but potential in someone shouldn't just be an idea, it should be a current process.

  If someone isn't trying to shape up now, why would they when they already have you forever?

  Your significant other will not always treat you like a prince/princess, but the real effort should be there.
 
  And girls, let me tell you something else. If a guy won't wait for you, he isn't worthy.

  He won't wait for sex? He isn't worth knowing you in that way.

  I believe in purity until marriage. Not everyone reading this may share that viewpoint, and that is your choice, this is just what I believe.

  No matter what your standing is on that, if someone is talking you into doing things you don't want to do just because they want to do them, they are not looking out for you or your relationship with them, they are only looking out for their own selfish wants and needs. Things like that, especially off the bat, ought to be a HUGE red flag. Many people wind up in abusive relationships and find themselves "stuck" for whatever reason (for example, they are very attached to the one hurting them). This can be prevented by looking out for the right things in a significant other. If you are suffering at the hands of an abusive boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancee/spouse, you need to let someone know and ask for help. You are not stuck. While you are drawing breath, there is always a way out of every situation. Sometimes you only need to ask.

  It's important that you aren't always incredibly intimidated by someone you have interest in. You should be able to be comfortable, and truly be yourself.

  Please remember:

  Love is about putting the other person BEFORE yourself. Never the other way around.

  And ... To love is to lose yourself and gain everything.

  All of that being said, I hope that this broadened your thinking and maybe even helped you out in the ol' love life! Don't forget to subscribe to our blog! I hope that I can provide insightful thoughts for you to read every Friday on whatever the subject may be. Thank you for reading! I thank you in advance for subscribing! And you are amazing!!!

Mean Girls

Hello again! I am pleased to "see" you here reading. Now, I wonder ... Does the above picture bring anything to mind? If you're thinking "that movie", then you're already halfway on the same page with me.
I'd like to point out that this is not a movie review by any stretch of the imagination. If I'm completely honest, I've not even watched this film. And yes, I am a teenage girl. Stereotypes be gone!!! Muahaha! *ahem*
In all seriousness, I want to call your attention to just what this movie portrays. I have only read the plot of this movie online, so I cannot pinpoint just how accurate it is. Despite whether it is realistic or not, the concept is very, very real.

There is a growing problem with bullying in general, and this may shock you, but female bullies are among the most vicious. I would like to say that I am not about to sit here and say that if you underwent bullying from a male, you are lucky, or that you were "spared", or something of that nature. That would be ludicrous and false. I don't care what the gender of a bully is, bullying shouldn't be happening at all, anywhere, ever. This post just so happens to be covering bullies who are girls specifically, and the way they work.

That being said, let's jump into this.

1. Who are the "mean girls"?
If you have ever known one, they aren't hard to spot. Unfortunately, girls are probably the greatest fakes ever, so unless you've seen it, you most likely wouldn't be able to guess that they were one. Especially because, they do not (and fans of the movie, prepare yourselves) always wear pink on Wednesdays.  These are the girls who make it their priority to tear others down, whether it be with a nasty look, a snobby comment, spreading rumors, or online posts.

2. What is their objective?
 They are out to destroy the way people view their victims. Sticks and stones may break bones, but these words can crush, and even kill. Every situation is different, but more often female bullies attack the social aspect of one's life, as opposed to being more physically assaulting, but this occurs also. These girls can be very persuasive in getting people to follow after them, repeat, and even believe, the lies they begin. Ever see a group of girls going to the bathroom together, and you think, "...Aren't they capable of doing their business alone?" While the answer to that question is a probable "yes", girls work in packs. They don't call the leaders "queen bees" for nothing. Trust me. Male bullies go for the physical side of things more often, and mock the strength (or the lack thereof) of their victims. Girls do tend to play on the materialistic and also superficial side. "Look at that one. Do you see her hair? Totally can't afford a decent haircut." < And that is more than likely the nice version.

3. Where does the attacking take place?
Unfortunately for the victims, it tends to be everywhere. It's not only prominent in school, or at work, or wherever the bullying stems from, it follows you home, like a dark cloud of doom. You nearly never feel okay about yourself, because once you're at home and you pick up that phone, or log into whatever social media site you're a part of, the insults are there, haunting you.

4. When does this start?
These things can start way too early on in life. Girls are catty creatures. (Not all, ladies. Don't worry. I'm not shoving all of us in a box. This is just true for when most of us are, in fact, mean.) They'll be snooty, and make you feel so horribly inferior. I remember not liking girls who were just like that in PRESCHOOL ... And people wonder why some of us say we prefer guys as friends? Shocker.
Obviously, the situations become more and more dire as the ages increase. "Mean girls" are probably most encountered in high school, although this heart issue can carry over into adulthood.

Finally, I ask:
5. Why?

Seriously, girls. Why are we doing this to each other?

Some of us are literally dedicating our lives to ripping one another apart? Why are we allowing this to continue? Are we THAT insecure that we feel the need to make others look and feel like dirt just so we look good? Why is looking better than everyone else so important? We have to stop this. We look best when we are genuine. If you are having trouble with your very own “mean girl(s)”, I would not suggest taking the route that the lead in the movie did. She was fighting fire with fire, and for a while, it changed her. The last thing you need to do is become just like them. Don’t make it your goal to ruin them back. Make it your goal to rise above it. By all means, stand up for yourself, but don’t take the “mean girl” approach. Nothing is going to change by adding more of the same, okay? Spite and bitterness won’t look good on anyone. Please remember that these kind of girls are not people you want to try to get approval from or be friends with. You won't have to go out of your way to impress those who are real friends. They will love you because they know how amazing you are. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Do not be afraid to speak out. Every kind of bully relies on silence from their victims. The girls work in secret more, too. Find someone who will listen and work with you to solve the problem. If it’s a parent or principal, this isn't “lame” to do. It’s actually smart. I do understand that this is all easier said than done. Try not to let them get to you. I don't care what they say, you. are. spectacular. And they are apparently blind and missing out on someone supercalifragilisticexpialidocious :) Oh, yeah. I went there.

Adults, if a teen comes to you and expresses what they're going through and it sounds like you have one of these situations on your hands, do not, and I repeat, do not shrug it off like it's nothing. If a teen comes to you with a problem, take it seriously. Chances are, it's a real issue. It is much better to take notice and action, than to sit back and let things continue. Most teens do prefer social independence, so if they are coming to you, they need your care. Never fall back on the "dramatic teenager" card. Until you know the whole circumstance, that is not a wise assumption.

I, for one, am tired of the way girls handle each other. We talk about how we mature quickly, and we sure don’t show it. Instead of hating on each other, let's help each other.

I challenge everyone reading this to a task. We all have “mean girl” tendencies sometimes. We are, especially women (but men, too) apt to make snap judgments on people. If you catch yourself about to think something negative about someone, I want you to stop, and try to notice something positive about them. Maybe you really don’t like that one girl’s hair in the high school hallway, but she has a really pretty shirt on. Remember that people are not going to have the same taste as you, but that doesn't make them wrong. Not every kid you see will have nice skin, but if they don’t, that doesn't make them gross. Glasses don’t make you geeky. (I don’t wear them and I’m a mega-geek, and I love it :P) Shove your tendency to stereotype and be picky away, and try to be the outward encourager, rather than the inward discourager. You don’t have to speak to be mean. Remember that.

I hope this was a helpful post in your beautiful eyes! Please don’t forget to subscribe, even if only by email. I will do my very best to post faithfully every Friday, and if, for some reason, I cannot, I will try to get someone else to say something in my stead. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Stay wonderful!!!