Relationships

  Alright, ladies. It is time to discuss our most favorite subject ... No, not shoes!! Today's post is all about relationships.

  (Also, quick side note: this isn't solely for girl readers. If it tends to lean that way, it's probably because I, the writer, am female. Sorry, fellas. I'll do my best.)

  1. Who does this blog apply to?

  When you are single, it can sometimes feel like everyone but you is in on the whole dating thing, right? ... Don't lie to me. It happens to the best of us!

  Well, I have good news, single pringles, this post is for E'ERYONE- those who have loved, are loving, will love, and I'd say that covers everybody! I believe it is important that everybody realizes a few key things about relationships, and I hope I can properly address some of these. So, whether you're madly in love or swearing off of guys/girls, I wanna "talk" to you.

  2. "What be these key things thou speakest of, O Blogger who Ranteth?"

  Dating has been and probably always will be a topic with a high buzz of interest following it. Girls love to gossip about it, guys love to brag about it, older people love to reminisce over it, etc.

  The dating world of today really shocks me in some ways.

  You know, for a society that is centered around "being yourself", it tries really hard into making us what it wants us to be, not always what we want to be.

  A vast majority of relationships mimic this pattern.

  You meet someone. You develop crush on said someone. You ponder catching that someone's romantic attention. Everyone, including yourself, gives you the advice to "be yourself." Say you are asked out/ask out this someone, or even if you're not, you are trying to impress this person- sometimes desperately. (For the record, this means me just as much as anyone else. I am guilty.)

  It's not wrong to want to be better for someone else, but a lot of the time this straining process of putting something out there that is something other than who you are doesn't better us. You as you normally are ought to be enough to catch the attention of someone who will really and truly love you. If someone isn't paying you any attention, and I know this is a very hard pill to swallow, but they are the ones missing out. They are not worth your time and effort. Those who matter will notice you because you are wonderfully you. It shouldn't be just because you can do three back handsprings in a row. And someone should never want to change you to fit their ideals. They should love you because of who you are, not in spite of who you are. This "I love you anyway" mentality, should not be.

  3. Where is love? (MUSICAL THEATRE REFERENCE. And ... Sticking with the key things on this question.)

  There are instances where we are looking for love. I get it. I really do, but this is a very fragile state to be in. When we don't find what we're looking for, this is very discouraging. Usually, this begins a depressing spiral of thoughts that we are not good enough, or good looking enough, or special enough to catch the eye of the opposite sex.

  This mindset can lead to settling for anyone who gives you the time of day, which also isn't right.

  I am all for keeping an open mind, mind you. But to me, flings are pointless. Dating is getting to know someone that you just might want to spend the rest of your life with. It's not an excuse to hook up. Sorry, not sorry.

  At the state in which we are searching for a relationship, sometimes we jump too far into something with the first person who shows us interest. This can lead to settling, and settling for things you don't actually want can lead to extreme unhappiness. It is imperative to know what you want in a spouse, and a great amount of these ideals, you shouldn't bend on. The ones that ought to be "immovable" so to speak, should be obvious. I do not mean that if you mentally noted "must have green eyes", and the person you're seeing has blue eyes, to chuck them out. That would be superficial and, for lack of a better term, silly.

  We should check ourselves when we set our standards around the physical appearance of another. *** Physical attraction is extremely important in a relationship. I am not claiming otherwise. *** But, for instance, if a girl is snubbing a guy who is everything she wants in a personality because he doesn't have the muscle definition she likes ... Goodness gracious. Lord, help that child.

  I'd like to say that I hope that doesn't happen often. All I want to point out is that the physical appearance of another should not be our priority.

  Along the lines of physical attraction, I want to make this point very, very clear:

  You cannot love someone at first sight. You can love their looks, and be insanely attracted to them at first sight, and that means that excited, squirmy feelings you get, but you cannot fall in love with THEM.

  Our bodies are only our shells- what we are. Our souls are our essence- who we are.

  It takes time and effort to get to know someone, and falling in love is a constant process that doesn't ever really end. It only perpetuates. Ask someone who has been in love with the same person for a lengthy period of time. Real love grows, it doesn't just peak.

  4. When is it real love?

  Branching from the above paragraph, here's something you should know. This may sting a little for some ...

  Love is not that fuzzy warm feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. Sorry to burst any heart bubbles floating around your head, but it isn't.

  Love is a choice.

  There are going to be many, many times when you do not feel like loving your significant other. You might even dislike them at the moment. Maybe he stained your couch! Maybe she threw away your lucky socks! Whatever the case, there are going to be times when you are upset with your girlfriend/boyfriend/fiancee/spouse. But when you really love someone, you are constantly choosing to love them even when you don't feel like loving them. Loving someone when you feel like it is easy and convenient. When you're angry or grumpy or pouty, it's no longer easy, but it is necessary. That is how you build a proper foundation for a lifetime.

  I also don't believe that you have only one soulmate out there, and if you miss him/her, oh well. You're done! ... No. You could live a perfectly happy life with more than one person. Love is a choice! So choose wisely.

  5. Why is all of this so important?

  I'll tell you. Too often you find people in unhappy relationships because it's not what they thought it would be. They didn't start off as friends. There were fronts they didn't know existed. When they got married, the walls came tumbling down, and their spouse treats them differently, and even, badly.

  Why does THAT happen?

  People aren't taking enough care in building the proper foundation from the start.

  I understand the inclination to date that cutie and marry them within the week, but that's just not realistic.

  Really, you ought to be friends with them first.

  "Oh no! The friendzone!!!" ... Knock it off.

  The friendzone only exists because we feel the need to label everything. Yes, I know the actual definition of friendzone, and it's a real situation, and it sucks majorly.

  Even so, I say, you should know someone as they normally are before dating them.

  You should know what they're like when they're livid just as much as when they're happy.

  Again, why?

  People are on their best behavior when they are dating.

  No, girls. The jerky guy will not be changed by you once you're married. If he's a jerk now, he will probably be a jerk then, and maybe, an even bigger one.

  If their best behavior is treating you like dirt from the get-go, you have a problem that should not exist in a healthy relationship. I don't recommend that you condone that.

  You are not to be looking for a perfect person, because they don't exist. You are going to find every person has their flaws, but you will love those just the same because it makes someone who they are. That's a beautiful thing.

  Dating is about finding what you want in a spouse in someone else. But again, if you are finding their treatment of you less than satisfactory, it won't improve once you sign up for that for the rest of your life. No, they won't always be so amazing, but potential in someone shouldn't just be an idea, it should be a current process.

  If someone isn't trying to shape up now, why would they when they already have you forever?

  Your significant other will not always treat you like a prince/princess, but the real effort should be there.
 
  And girls, let me tell you something else. If a guy won't wait for you, he isn't worthy.

  He won't wait for sex? He isn't worth knowing you in that way.

  I believe in purity until marriage. Not everyone reading this may share that viewpoint, and that is your choice, this is just what I believe.

  No matter what your standing is on that, if someone is talking you into doing things you don't want to do just because they want to do them, they are not looking out for you or your relationship with them, they are only looking out for their own selfish wants and needs. Things like that, especially off the bat, ought to be a HUGE red flag. Many people wind up in abusive relationships and find themselves "stuck" for whatever reason (for example, they are very attached to the one hurting them). This can be prevented by looking out for the right things in a significant other. If you are suffering at the hands of an abusive boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancee/spouse, you need to let someone know and ask for help. You are not stuck. While you are drawing breath, there is always a way out of every situation. Sometimes you only need to ask.

  It's important that you aren't always incredibly intimidated by someone you have interest in. You should be able to be comfortable, and truly be yourself.

  Please remember:

  Love is about putting the other person BEFORE yourself. Never the other way around.

  And ... To love is to lose yourself and gain everything.

  All of that being said, I hope that this broadened your thinking and maybe even helped you out in the ol' love life! Don't forget to subscribe to our blog! I hope that I can provide insightful thoughts for you to read every Friday on whatever the subject may be. Thank you for reading! I thank you in advance for subscribing! And you are amazing!!!