"Life's Not Fair"

The amount of times we've all been told that life isn't fair is more than likely annoyingly high. The thing is, sometimes, life really isn't fair.

Why is that?

Simply put, it is because people are involved.

The human race is an extremely self-centered group. And, I get it- top of the food chain, and all that jazz, but here's the other thing ...

We aren't in control.

We do affect the overall turnout of almost everything, but that does not make us the master of the universe.

Even if you don't believe in God, this is still the matter of the fact.

I, personally, do believe in God as the Almighty Creator of the universe.

Everything WAS fair. Then man messed it up.

People like to try to turn the tables and say things like, "Well, God could've prevented Adam and Eve from sinning."

Yes, He could have. But God created man with free will for a purpose.

Think about it: Would you get more personal glory from inventing a robot- an unfeeling machine with absolutely no choice to do but what you program it to do-, or from raising a child, teaching it right and wrong, and watching them grow up and make their own choices, and live their own life the best they know how?

I could probably make a guess what your answer would be in the end.

Not all of life is unfair all the time- not for us anyways.

But even Jesus' life on earth wasn't fair at all.

King of Kings, born in a stable, only to grow up and be crucified for crimes He never committed, dying and suffering for sinners who, by nature, mock, scorn, and hate Him, so that they could live forever in Heaven one day.

Any of that sound fair to you?

But, if only for this reason, I am glad life isn't fair.

I am glad to have life in the first place.

When life isn't fair, we should stop to think about why it isn't, but also, why it IS fair.

Fair can also mean "beautiful", like in the story of Snow White, the fairest in the land. Fair didn't mean she went around handing out equal amounts of candy to the local short people. It meant she was beautiful.

Life is always a beautiful thing.

Life isn't always fair, and that's okay, because we still get the chance to live it.

Not everybody is that lucky.

Finally, I'd like to say that even though life isn't always fair, that doesn't mean you can't try to be.

How fair is it to that kid you called weird in school that not only were you not his friend, but spoke ill of him to others?

How fair is it to that customer you mistreated because you were having a bad day at work?

How fair is it that after all they did for you, that you gave your parents a hard time for not getting that one thing you asked for?

Life isn't fair, because we aren't.

But life can be beautiful, even with all of its flaws.

Remember:

You can't control the weather, but you can control your attitude.

... Imma just sayin'.

Don't Give Up!

“You’re such a freak, get away from me!”

“Do you always dress like that?”

“Hey, what’s wrong with your face? Oh never mind, you just always look like that!”

“Why are you such a wuss, grow a PAIR!”

“You’re too stupid to do anything with your life!”

“You’re too weak to amount to anything useful.”

“You walk like a maimed duck, what’s wrong with you?”

“Stop crying, grow up! You’re so pathetic.”

“Can you ever just be normal?”

“No one likes you.”

“You’re just dirty and crummy…go crawl in a hole and die.”

“You’re so ugly. They have a surgery to fix that you know.”

“You suck at everything you do.”

“No one will ever love you. You’re not good enough.”

 “You are a useless pile of trash. Why don’t you just die.”

“Why do you always have to make us look bad? Why don’t you just go along with it?”

“Why are you such a suck up! You’re so annoying. I wish you would go away.”

“Uh oh, here comes Mr./Mrs goody two-shoes, don’t do anything wrong!”

 “Hey, you ever tried liposuction? You might want to look into it.”

“The doctor called. He said you were a perfect candidate for a brain transplant.”

“You’re such a girl. Be a man!”

“You should just give up.”

“I give up with you…it’s hopeless…you’re hopeless.”

“Just go kill yourself. The world would be a better place.”

“You’re unlovable, unlikable, and disgusting. GO DIE.”

“Why are you such an idiot! Can you do anything right?

“I wish you didn't exist.”

Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones, but Words will NEVER Hurt Me.

^False^

Words hurt. Words are powerful. Words can kill.

It’s a scary place, this world. It’s also a very hurtful place.

It doesn't have to be though.

As I typed those words up there, memory after memory came into my mind. All of those phrases up there, have been said to either someone I know, or to myself. I know how much it hurts. I know how much it affects you.

You feel powerless. You feel like someone is sucking the life out of you. You can feel it draining from your body. It’s like someone just keeps stabbing you over and over.

The big problem with those words up there, is that people start to say them to themselves. They start believe those things about themselves.

I want you to know that those awful things don’t have to define you.

They don’t define you.

You are unique. You are beautiful. You are needed. You are none of those things

You shouldn't go die. You shouldn't kill yourself. You matter!

It’s OK if you are there, right now. It’s OK if you've become smashed down by it all. You’re not weak, or useless, or pathetic, or hopeless, or helpless. You’re simply human. Humans have emotions, and humans get hurt. There isn't anything wrong with you for feeling like you do about awful things that people say. I've been there. I know that all you want is someone to just be kind, loving, considerate, empathetic, helpful, encouraging, and understanding.

You wish people would just understand that you’re different, not weird.

You wish people would understand how much you hurt.

You wish people would understand how much they hurt you.

You wish you just had a friend.

You wish someone cared.

Well, guess what, I care.

Teens of America cares.

Also, I bet if you looked hard enough, and deep enough, someone you know cares too. They’re trying to push through to you, but you don’t see them.

Someone sees you. There’s just so much negative in front of you, they've become invisible.

Break through that fog, push through the haze.

See that person. I know they’re there.

I know how rough high school can be. Been there, done that.

I know what having no friends feels like.

But there is ALWAYS someone.

I know not everyone is a Christian, but Jesus cares too. He loves you, and wants to help you. He has always been there for me. He can be for you too.

I also know, how hard it is to care.

I’m not trying to toot my own horn, if you will, but I’m a very loving, compassionate, and understanding person. I've put myself out there many times. I know what it’s like to love and care about someone, but being afraid to do or say anything. You’re afraid to put your heart out there. You’re afraid to offer help. You’re afraid to make yourself vulnerable, because you don’t want to hurt. You’re afraid to let that other person in, even though you want to, because it would place you in their power.

You care so much and so deeply that it hurts sometimes.

I want to tell you, that it’s OK.

Show your love and concern.

Make it known to that person, that you care, and that you will be there for them.

You never know what they might be dealing with.

You never know what it might mean to them.

Take that chance.

Don’t be afraid of hurt and pain. No, it isn't fun, but it’s part of life. What better reason to be hurt, than to have offered part of yourself to someone else when they were in need.

Kind words, a pat on the back, a friendly smile, a squeeze of the arm, and even a hug can change a person’s day and maybe their life.

Don’t be afraid to show your affection.

Chances are it will be reciprocated.

People are always touched by genuine kindness, love, concern, and charity.

I say this from experience. I've come to love and care deeply for many people. I have never had it come back negatively on me. Friends and family both, just want to be loved. Is that not what you want? When you really think about it.

Why then, would we think that others wouldn't want to be loved?

Well, they do.

You see this is a two way street.

Sometimes, if you want someone to love you, you have to love first.

No, it isn't easy.

Yes, it’s hard to push past pain.

It’s worth it though.

No matter how hopeless it seems, don’t give up!

 We love you!

 You are important and valued!

Don’t let anyone else give up either. Love and value them. Make them feel important.

You could change your life.

You could change someone else’s life.

You could change the world.

Mean Girls

Hello again! I am pleased to "see" you here reading. Now, I wonder ... Does the above picture bring anything to mind? If you're thinking "that movie", then you're already halfway on the same page with me.
I'd like to point out that this is not a movie review by any stretch of the imagination. If I'm completely honest, I've not even watched this film. And yes, I am a teenage girl. Stereotypes be gone!!! Muahaha! *ahem*
In all seriousness, I want to call your attention to just what this movie portrays. I have only read the plot of this movie online, so I cannot pinpoint just how accurate it is. Despite whether it is realistic or not, the concept is very, very real.

There is a growing problem with bullying in general, and this may shock you, but female bullies are among the most vicious. I would like to say that I am not about to sit here and say that if you underwent bullying from a male, you are lucky, or that you were "spared", or something of that nature. That would be ludicrous and false. I don't care what the gender of a bully is, bullying shouldn't be happening at all, anywhere, ever. This post just so happens to be covering bullies who are girls specifically, and the way they work.

That being said, let's jump into this.

1. Who are the "mean girls"?
If you have ever known one, they aren't hard to spot. Unfortunately, girls are probably the greatest fakes ever, so unless you've seen it, you most likely wouldn't be able to guess that they were one. Especially because, they do not (and fans of the movie, prepare yourselves) always wear pink on Wednesdays.  These are the girls who make it their priority to tear others down, whether it be with a nasty look, a snobby comment, spreading rumors, or online posts.

2. What is their objective?
 They are out to destroy the way people view their victims. Sticks and stones may break bones, but these words can crush, and even kill. Every situation is different, but more often female bullies attack the social aspect of one's life, as opposed to being more physically assaulting, but this occurs also. These girls can be very persuasive in getting people to follow after them, repeat, and even believe, the lies they begin. Ever see a group of girls going to the bathroom together, and you think, "...Aren't they capable of doing their business alone?" While the answer to that question is a probable "yes", girls work in packs. They don't call the leaders "queen bees" for nothing. Trust me. Male bullies go for the physical side of things more often, and mock the strength (or the lack thereof) of their victims. Girls do tend to play on the materialistic and also superficial side. "Look at that one. Do you see her hair? Totally can't afford a decent haircut." < And that is more than likely the nice version.

3. Where does the attacking take place?
Unfortunately for the victims, it tends to be everywhere. It's not only prominent in school, or at work, or wherever the bullying stems from, it follows you home, like a dark cloud of doom. You nearly never feel okay about yourself, because once you're at home and you pick up that phone, or log into whatever social media site you're a part of, the insults are there, haunting you.

4. When does this start?
These things can start way too early on in life. Girls are catty creatures. (Not all, ladies. Don't worry. I'm not shoving all of us in a box. This is just true for when most of us are, in fact, mean.) They'll be snooty, and make you feel so horribly inferior. I remember not liking girls who were just like that in PRESCHOOL ... And people wonder why some of us say we prefer guys as friends? Shocker.
Obviously, the situations become more and more dire as the ages increase. "Mean girls" are probably most encountered in high school, although this heart issue can carry over into adulthood.

Finally, I ask:
5. Why?

Seriously, girls. Why are we doing this to each other?

Some of us are literally dedicating our lives to ripping one another apart? Why are we allowing this to continue? Are we THAT insecure that we feel the need to make others look and feel like dirt just so we look good? Why is looking better than everyone else so important? We have to stop this. We look best when we are genuine. If you are having trouble with your very own “mean girl(s)”, I would not suggest taking the route that the lead in the movie did. She was fighting fire with fire, and for a while, it changed her. The last thing you need to do is become just like them. Don’t make it your goal to ruin them back. Make it your goal to rise above it. By all means, stand up for yourself, but don’t take the “mean girl” approach. Nothing is going to change by adding more of the same, okay? Spite and bitterness won’t look good on anyone. Please remember that these kind of girls are not people you want to try to get approval from or be friends with. You won't have to go out of your way to impress those who are real friends. They will love you because they know how amazing you are. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Do not be afraid to speak out. Every kind of bully relies on silence from their victims. The girls work in secret more, too. Find someone who will listen and work with you to solve the problem. If it’s a parent or principal, this isn't “lame” to do. It’s actually smart. I do understand that this is all easier said than done. Try not to let them get to you. I don't care what they say, you. are. spectacular. And they are apparently blind and missing out on someone supercalifragilisticexpialidocious :) Oh, yeah. I went there.

Adults, if a teen comes to you and expresses what they're going through and it sounds like you have one of these situations on your hands, do not, and I repeat, do not shrug it off like it's nothing. If a teen comes to you with a problem, take it seriously. Chances are, it's a real issue. It is much better to take notice and action, than to sit back and let things continue. Most teens do prefer social independence, so if they are coming to you, they need your care. Never fall back on the "dramatic teenager" card. Until you know the whole circumstance, that is not a wise assumption.

I, for one, am tired of the way girls handle each other. We talk about how we mature quickly, and we sure don’t show it. Instead of hating on each other, let's help each other.

I challenge everyone reading this to a task. We all have “mean girl” tendencies sometimes. We are, especially women (but men, too) apt to make snap judgments on people. If you catch yourself about to think something negative about someone, I want you to stop, and try to notice something positive about them. Maybe you really don’t like that one girl’s hair in the high school hallway, but she has a really pretty shirt on. Remember that people are not going to have the same taste as you, but that doesn't make them wrong. Not every kid you see will have nice skin, but if they don’t, that doesn't make them gross. Glasses don’t make you geeky. (I don’t wear them and I’m a mega-geek, and I love it :P) Shove your tendency to stereotype and be picky away, and try to be the outward encourager, rather than the inward discourager. You don’t have to speak to be mean. Remember that.

I hope this was a helpful post in your beautiful eyes! Please don’t forget to subscribe, even if only by email. I will do my very best to post faithfully every Friday, and if, for some reason, I cannot, I will try to get someone else to say something in my stead. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Stay wonderful!!!